Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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