I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
