It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
