flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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