you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
