you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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