these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
