I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
