I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
