I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
