porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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