After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
