I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
