I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
