i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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