I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
