You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
