I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
