I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
