if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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