Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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