I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
