ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
