and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
