Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
