Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
someone owes me an orgasm
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
