am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
