every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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