I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
