First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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