I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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