no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
