And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
