Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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