Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
