So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
