I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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