yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They took my balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
