my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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