New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
