That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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