I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
