Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
