I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
