so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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