just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
