I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
