You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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