I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
