is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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